I feel like I have been in hiding the last week or so it seems. Not literally, but I was thinking earlier how it sometimes feels like I am in a bubble or something. Life goes on as usual but I’m not really here I guess. I get stuck in my own head or something. I don’t know what it is. I go with the motions. I have conversations. I have emotions, but like something is hindering me from completely feeling like myself. Maybe it’s hormones, who knows. I read over this psalm this morning and verse 9 stood out to me. David asks God to hide him from his enemies. David tells God that he will flee to God to hide him. Maybe that’s what I am doing too.
Nothing in particular can put me in this bubble. Maybe its a subconscious coping mechanism that I’ve developed. Maybe it’s anxiety. I don’t know what it is. It could be a spiritual attack. Oddly, I know that I am in it, and I pray during this time. I look to God for answers about things or direction. It’s not necessarily a happy time. It’s not necessarily a bad time. It’s just a time. Does this even make sense? I think maybe I think too much into it. That would be anxiety, or ADHD. Possibly both simultaneously. See!! Bless it!
Regardless of what it is. I am safe there. Even if it feels odd. I am still safe. This psalm is full of emotion because David is seeking for help and his soul is under attack. How often this happens to me too. Although there may be physically people after him. His soul is the one who is burdened. That is a crappy feeling. The devil uses other people. Even people we love to damage our souls. Hoping that we will turn against God and do more of his dirty work. He tries to distract us from seeing who God is. He does a good job at it. Too bad God has control of what he does. I love that part. Although God does allow the enemy to get to us sometimes, He is in full control. He just wants us to remember that. It’s hard isnt’ it?
I know my soul has its share of damage. I also know that God has healed that damage. He has created new life in my soul and when the enemy tries to remind me of that damage I need to remember that God knows all about that and has it taken care of. Soul damage is a real thing. Wounds from the attacks the enemy send are very real. That’s why we seek things to cover them. Let me just say…nothing ever will but Jesus.
I know my soul has been damaged since a small child. My parents divorced and I guess that was the first I remember. I know why God doesn’t like divorce. It hurts. He doesn’t want us to hurt like that. He knows how deeply it can damage us. His commandments are there for a reason. Just think about it. Each and every one someone has been a victim of and look at the damage it’s caused. Good thing damage is repairable. Even if you have to rebuild. Can I get an amen?!
After that, other people’s words did damage. I didn’t know how to not take their words to heart. Bullying is bad. It does not have to cause violence though. That is a whole other story for a whole other time. It causes damage for sure though. When all you want is to be accepted and loved. Then people pretend to be your friend and then laugh at you in front of their “real” friends. It’s bad. Being a kid is hard. I wouldn’t do it again. My heart breaks for kids these days. It was bad back when I was a child. I can’t imagine how it is now. I pray for them. That God will give them the knowledge to know that the bullies don’t define who they are. That they find confidence in the Lord. If only I had known.
So damage starts early. I had great parents, but others do not. I’ve known people who’s parent’s weren’t so good. They too are damaged. Even deeper than I was. I attract damaged people for some reason. And the cycle continues. They damage others because they are damaged. It never ends does it? This is life people. Damaged people who don’t know the Lord damage other people. They even damage people who do know the Lord and hinder their walk with Him because they are now more damaged. This would be the enemy. This is his mission. The more damage the better.
The more distorted thinking he can cause, the more he thinks he succeeds. I’m glad that Jesus can take care of that. I’m glad that Jesus covers it all. If that weren’t true. I’d be in no place to be typing this right now. I have a long way to go still,but I’ve also come a long way too. My damage was severe. In fact when I first met my now therapist several years ago. She assessed me and within just a few questions told me that I had been severely psychologically abused. Yes,by others. Also by myself. I abused myself as well. The devil loved that I’m sure. Not for long sucker!
Jesus came in and took over this heart of mine and broke those chains. Praise God!! God intervened and sent the right people in my life to teach me His way. To help me get on His path. I already knew Him. I just didn’t know how to move and in what direction. I could go to church but I wasn’t growing. I wasn’t changing. I didnt’ know how. I didn’t think I was good enough. For anyone or anything. I am surly not good enough for God’s love,but none of us are. I do accept it though. It’s the only thing I have that is sure.
The devil likes to remind me of my thought process back then. I lived it for almost 30 years so it was such a natural thing to me. To blame myself. To put myself down. To think that I was the reason that people treated me badly. That I wasn’t good enough. Hog wash!! Now I know. That was their issue. Not mine. He likes to remind me that I was vulnerable and looking for love. I like to remind Him that I was loved all along. It just took me a little while to accept it completely. He messes with me a lot. So, like David. I need somewhere to hide. I get tired of that sucker trying to mess with me.
My bubble may be my hiding place. It may be the Lord’s way of protecting me from falling into that trap the enemy tries to set for me. Whatever it is when it pops and I feel like “myself” again, it’s a relief. It’s a blessing and I have to praise the Lord for it! He is hiding me. Even if I hadn’t asked Him to. He’s got me tucked under His wings and He’s letting his angels fight those spiritual attacks that I am unaware of while He hides me.
Being emotionally sensitive, I can feel something going on inside me,but I can’t figure out what it is and why. I waste too much time trying to figure it out. I do it naturally though and can’t help myself. I know the Lord will help me with that too. A girl has to take one step at a time on this walk with Jesus. I will eventually get it. It just may take me a little longer than I had hoped. As long as I get there, who cares. If I can help someone along the way then it’s worth it. God doesn’t make mistakes. Thank You Lord for being perfect! You know I am far from it. You never give up on me. Thank You!!
So if you are struggling too. If you are under attack. If you feel like the world is against you. (which it probably is if you are following Jesus) Just go to Him and let Him hide you. He is probably already doing it. You just weren’t aware of it. He will protect us. Ask him to take you and hide you from the things that want to tear you down. From the world. From the devil and all his deceitful ways. We know that he is on the prowl. We know he is just looking for a weak spot in us. Let’s go to Him and let Him take care of it.
Lord, Thank You for Your love and protection. Lord, Your Word tells us that the enemy is watching for us. Ready to attack like a roaring lion. God that is scary. He is all around us. He wants us to take our eyes off of you for one second so he can get in. God, protect us from his attacks. Protect us from all forces of evil. Hid us Lord, we run to you for safety. You are the only place we can go that the enemy can’t get to us. Protect our children. Protect our loved ones. He want’s to hurt us in any way that he can. Hid us all under Your Spirit. Help us feel Your peace as we hide in You. We thank You and we love You.
In Jesus name,amen